Posts Tagged ‘dreams’


A Brief Interjection About Shit You Don’t Care About

July 31, 2008

I know no one gives a rat’s hoo ha what I dreamed last night but you’re a captive audience so what the hell. I dreamed about coffee. I was in some woman’s apartment and she gave me coffee and it was the best coffee in the world, ever, no debate. Don’t even try to contradict me, you will lose.

It just was.

Better than Starbucks or Dunkin’ Donuts or McDonalds or even Tim Horton’s. There I said it.

Yes, it was that good. Thing is, it wasn’t coffee-like at all. It was thick like a milk shake and filled with crushed up chunks of chocolate, which just goes to validate my “Best ever” claim. Anything filled with chunks of chocolate automatically skips the line to the top of Awesomeland. The fact it wasn’t coffee at all is a small, unimportant detail.

The woman told me it came from Japan and I could order it online for only $9.99 shipping. I was pee-my-pants excited. It’s ok though, I woke up dry. The end.

See how exciting my life is, people? Don’t you wish you were me?

In other news I have eaten so much cake in the past six weeks I am thinking of buying sweatpants which were previously on my “Not even if I was stoned and lobotomized” list, just to give the waist band of my jeans a well-earned rest. Thing is, cake feels so good. Exercise feels not so good and I’m doing one of those things more than the other. Hmmm.

I also have a love of Ritz crackers that will not be denied.

Ok, get back to it, you’re supposed to be working you know, slacker.