A Brief Interjection About Shit You Don’t Care About

July 31, 2008

I know no one gives a rat’s hoo ha what I dreamed last night but you’re a captive audience so what the hell. I dreamed about coffee. I was in some woman’s apartment and she gave me coffee and it was the best coffee in the world, ever, no debate. Don’t even try to contradict me, you will lose.

It just was.

Better than Starbucks or Dunkin’ Donuts or McDonalds or even Tim Horton’s. There I said it.

Yes, it was that good. Thing is, it wasn’t coffee-like at all. It was thick like a milk shake and filled with crushed up chunks of chocolate, which just goes to validate my “Best ever” claim. Anything filled with chunks of chocolate automatically skips the line to the top of Awesomeland. The fact it wasn’t coffee at all is a small, unimportant detail.

The woman told me it came from Japan and I could order it online for only $9.99 shipping. I was pee-my-pants excited. It’s ok though, I woke up dry. The end.

See how exciting my life is, people? Don’t you wish you were me?

In other news I have eaten so much cake in the past six weeks I am thinking of buying sweatpants which were previously on my “Not even if I was stoned and lobotomized” list, just to give the waist band of my jeans a well-earned rest. Thing is, cake feels so good. Exercise feels not so good and I’m doing one of those things more than the other. Hmmm.

I also have a love of Ritz crackers that will not be denied.

Ok, get back to it, you’re supposed to be working you know, slacker.



  1. Milkshakechocolate coffee? Why do you tease me so?

  2. Now I want cake and Ritz crackers and I am stuck at work. I hate you with the fire of eight suns.

    (I would say a thousand, but this hatred is only at eight.)

  3. Because, my little snookiekins, it’s so easy!


    It does sound good though, right?

  4. I’d buy it, unless it came from Starbucks and cost a fortune (usually those two things go hand in hand).

  5. Totally good! I may try and create such a concoction this evening!

  6. Fal: Would it help any to tell you I am about to bake a vanilla sponge cake with buttercream frosting?

    Red: DO IT! Then share it, sister.

  7. Ah, Ritz crackers. The crystal meth of the HobNob crowd. Despite fear of being ostracized for my gluttony, I could easily eat a whole box of Ritz in one sitting. And then sink into a diabetic coma. I think this is what they feed those french geese to fatten up their liver.

    Oooh, did I say HobNob? Those are mighty tasty, too!

    What have you started, you evil, evil Guv??

  8. hahaha Hobnobs are not my favourite – I’d prefer some chocolate digestives but each to their own. Of course I can FORCE DOWN the chocolate Hobnobs if need be….

    I prefer the Ritz though. With Philly cream cheese and pickled beets. Seriously, try it, you’ll be kissing the ground I walk on.

  9. Why so much cake? Not that I’d complain, cake is the best. I’ve found that sundresses work better than sweats in the expanding waistband hidingness. When nobody can even see your waist, it’s all good 🙂

  10. Stella: Why so much cake? Are you nuts? It’s CAKE! Cake is awesome and if God was a food he’d be cake.

    Good idea on the sundresses, although sometimes they might make you look pregant instead of just full of cake… I must give this some thought.

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